The good, the bad and the ugly...

Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago



Good: Your son is finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you



Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them



Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them



Good: The postman's early
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas



Good: Your son is dating someone new
Bad: It's another man
Ugly: He's your best friend



Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: She's a hooker
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do



Good: Your husband is not talking to you.
Bad: He wants a divorce.
Ugly: He's a lawyer.



Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.



Good: You give "the birds and the bees" talk to your 14-year-old daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections